Corey Parchman: What I Wish I Knew Before Starting IVF

Introduction: Walking Into the Unknown

When my wife and I started the IVF process, I thought I was prepared. I had done some reading, heard a few stories, and figured, “We’ll just follow the doctor’s plan, and we’ll get there.” What I quickly learned is that nothing about IVF is simple, predictable, or easy.

IVF tests not only your finances, but also your patience, your faith, and your relationship. And as men, we often feel the pressure to be “the strong one” — the one holding everything together. But nobody hands you a playbook for what that actually looks like.

That’s why I wrote The IVF Playbook for Men. I wanted to put words to the journey I wish someone had given me. But even before the book, I had to live it — and here are three things I wish I knew before I started.

1. IVF Is a Team Sport, Not an Individual Race

As men, it’s tempting to view IVF as something happening “to our partner.” After all, she’s the one doing the shots, the bloodwork, and the egg retrievals. But the truth is, IVF is a team effort.

I remember walking into appointments early on, thinking I was just there for moral support. But as the process went on, I realized that every time I showed up, listened to the doctor, and held my wife’s hand, it reminded her that she wasn’t carrying this alone.

Your presence matters. Even when you can’t take away the pain of a shot or the frustration of a failed cycle, simply showing up says, “We’re in this together.”

2. Prepare for Emotional Highs and Lows

Nobody talks enough about the emotional rollercoaster. One day, you’ll get hopeful news — a strong embryo, a successful retrieval, a positive test. The next, you might get devastating results that knock the wind out of you.

I wasn’t ready for how much that emotional whiplash would affect me. There were times I wanted to hide my own disappointment so I wouldn’t add to my wife’s stress. But silence creates distance. What actually strengthened our bond was sharing honestly: “This hurts, but I’m still here, and I’m not going anywhere.”

IVF isn’t a straight line to success. It’s a climb with setbacks. If you brace yourself for that reality, you’ll have the resilience to keep pushing forward together.

3. You Don’t Need to Have All the Answers

Early in the journey, I thought my role was to “fix” things. If a cycle didn’t work, I immediately started looking for new doctors, alternative methods, or financial strategies. While problem-solving has its place, I eventually learned that what my wife needed wasn’t solutions — it was me.

She needed my patience. She needed me to listen. She needed me to sit with her in the grief when things didn’t go as planned.

Men are wired to want control, but IVF will teach you quickly: you can’t control biology. What you can control is how you show up. That’s your job.

4. IVF Has a Financial Weight Too

Another piece I wish I’d known more clearly: IVF is expensive, and insurance doesn’t always cover it. From medications to procedures to multiple cycles, costs can easily climb into tens of thousands of dollars.

If I could give one piece of advice to men just starting, it would be: talk openly about finances with your partner. Stress around money can add unnecessary strain to an already heavy process. Create a plan together. Decide what you can afford, what you’re willing to risk, and how you’ll support each other if costs pile up.

The financial side doesn’t define you — but pretending it’s not part of the journey only makes things harder.

5. The Reward Is Worth the Journey

I’ll be honest: IVF was one of the hardest seasons of my life. But looking at my son now, every injection, every tear, every late-night conversation was worth it.

IVF taught me patience. It taught me resilience. Most of all, it taught me how to show up for my wife in ways I never had before.

If you’re walking this road right now, remember: you’re not alone. The silence around IVF can make you feel like you are, but there are other men walking the same road — and there’s strength in sharing that journey.

Conclusion: What I Wish for Other Dads

I wish someone had told me all this before I started IVF. That’s why I’m telling you. If you’re about to begin or you’re already in the middle of it, take this with you:

• Be present.

• Expect highs and lows.

• Don’t try to fix everything.

• Talk about money.

• Remember the reward is worth it.

Fatherhood is worth the fight. And IVF, while not an easy path, can be the bridge that gets you there.